don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
