some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
