would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
