I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
