i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
