Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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