She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
