Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
