Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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