I bet he comes in French.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
