the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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