i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
