Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
