I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
