He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
