Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just cut my nipple shaving
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
