like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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