What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
