I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
