True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
