He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
