I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
