one might say we're banned from that church
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
