It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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