is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
