the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
