I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
