ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
