why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
