You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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