too bad you live with your parents still
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
