I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
