i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
