every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
