I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
