I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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