I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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