There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
