I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
