I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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