Cold hands, warm shart.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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