Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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