one might say we're banned from that church
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
