the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
