Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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