You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
