So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
