Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
