no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
