I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
