I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
