he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
