I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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